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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29165076">In the midst of the rain</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account'>orphan_account</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>songs of the seasons [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Original Work</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, I need therapy, Maybe - Freeform, Panic Attacks, References to Depression, Suicide Attempt</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 11:08:05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>761</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29165076</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Now the branches are bare, waiting for the next time to bloom.</p><p>You're growing, improving, changing.</p><p>Change hurts.</p><p> </p><p>everything's perfect, (your trying, trying so hard to be perfect)</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It's only when you hear Rose's panicked voice, and feel him rubbing circles into your back, murmuring comforting words do you even realize that you're hyperventilating.</p><p>///////////</p><p>In which she reflects.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>songs of the seasons [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2069064</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>In the midst of the rain</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The cherry blossoms are gone now.</p><p>The season of spring has long since disappeared and it won't be long before fall is gone too.</p><p>Now the branches are bare, waiting for the next time to bloom.</p><p>Even though spring, and that it brings has passed, fall has a certain type of beauty to it, fiery red and yellow leaves that tell of growth, a tiny bud barely starting, but still, still there.</p><p> You're growing.</p><p>You're growing, improving, changing.</p><p>You're trying, and things are always difficult before things improve, and you know that, you shouldn't complain, but christ if it doesn't hurt.</p><p>Changing hurts.</p><p>You don't know why wanting, trying so badly always seems to hurt. </p><p>everything's perfect (it's always is, isn't it?)<br/>
But everything aches.</p><p>There's some days when depression keeps you in bed and you can't, you can't get out to greet a new day, (why why why). </p><p>Times when you write and scribble, but you can't get all of your darkest thoughts out, and when you want skin and blood because everything feels so empty, and when you take your meds you think of pouring the whole bottle down your throat and you don't do it maybe, but it's the thought that scares you because you know you would be fine with it. </p><p> </p><p>Or that one dark day, before you met him before you came to this school when you had taken sleeping pills so you could stay, hoping to fall asleep and never wake up.</p><p>(You don't talk about that, but you can still taste charcoal, remember the iv in your arm. You remember making coping skills and how at a hospital, a fucking hospital had been oh so peaceful.)</p><p>Or, when you mess up badly in band practice and you can't mess up, have to be perfect, you can't waste the effort into getting you here<br/>
(When they scream at you, it's always your fault, you messed up, you deserve this you-)<br/>
It's only when you hear Rose's panicked voice, and feel him rubbing circles into your back, murmuring comforting words do you even realize that you're hyperventilating.</p><p>everything's perfect, (your trying, trying so hard to be perfect)<br/>
Because in the end, the rain is beautiful, but it's always damn raining.</p><p> </p><p>But then other days when he smiles at you and you feel on top of the world, or when you finally ace a piece you've been practicing hard, and Rose is laughing, you're laughing and everything is good.</p><p>And when you look outside and it's raining you think of days with cherry blossoms, and karaoke sessions, and flushed faces with hints of auburn and you smile.<br/>
(You're so happy, it's painful)</p><p>Sometimes the rain isn't so bad.</p><p> </p><p>the wind is whipping around your umbrella, and you grit your teeth as the droplets splatter on your face. It's not any longer anyway, so you bear through the cold.</p><p> </p><p>Of course, you had to come on the worst day.</p><p> When you come back to the cherry blossom trees, walking side by the stream, there's no one out there. And why would there be? It's fall, the weather is chilly and it's raining. No one sane would be caught dead out here.<br/>
(You huff out a little laugh at that one, sanity, craziness, and all in between)</p><p>The branches are bare, gray wood soaked to the core. It didn't look like a beautiful cherry blossom tree. It looked sad, lifeless, useless. You stare up at it because it's the same old cherry tree, same old last year, same old person, and exactly what you expected. </p><p>Of course, it didn't matter, why did you even get your hopes up?</p><p>It's just a tree.</p><p>(your eyes are stinging. You're not sure if it's the rain or tears)</p><p>You sigh and turn around facing the coldness and rain and wind all over again. </p><p>But when you walk by the little river, something ash gray catches your eye. And there floating on the water, and soaked to the core, with the slightest buds there, tiny and barely starting, but still, still there is a cherry blossom branch.</p><p>You wade into the water, which is freezing, and you have to bite your lip because you want to get out. But you still walk through because it's worth it, the rain, and cherry blossoms, and band practice. </p><p>He's worth it too</p><p>In the end, it's always damn raining, but the rain is worth it.<br/>
You pick up the branch and take it home.</p><p>By the time you're there you realize it doesn't ache as much.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm so tired. School from home sucks.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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